Monday, January 16, 2006

I wish penance worked, part II

[Thank you, B., for your response.  I want to believe that faith, at any time is what pleases God.  But then my economic “version” of my relating to God kicks in . . . great for guilt, bad for long-term relationships.]

I am happy to report that God doesn’t seem to care as much about my “timing” and “economic-based-faith” as I do.

We have decided (not independently!) to ask God to provide us money to live on so that we may live out what we and others sense is God’s next-step for us.  My/our desire is that people would ONLY choose to support us financially IF and Only IF God so moved them.

My “act of faith” was supposed to be praying hard for this before we actually entered this season of life.  I tried weakly to do so.  But no that this is upon us, I pray more.  Way more!  And feel very guilty that I am now praying; in the midst of the experiencing my need, I finally fall to my knees.

But God has been gracious.   Not just that people are being moved by the Spirit to support us, but they way they are supporting us . . . beyond gracious.  So far beyond gracious, that it has all the color and character of God Himself.  Ridiculous Grace.

And I didn’t do my part previous to this.  Hmph.  Amazing that I can feel overwhelming kindness from God while feeling guilt towards God.

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