So I'm talking with my brother about some of this and the ramifications of it in the U.S. In particular, our dire need to never NEED anyone. Anti-trust laws, "free market" economy, consumerism, etc. have fed the following paradigm: don't need, but if I do, then I need to diversify so I don't need just ONE source.
When I diversify, I no longer know what it is that I'm exactly trusting/idolizing. "Money" is a common topic, as it should be in the U.S. Do I trust my 'having an income,' or 'money in the bank,' or 'retirement accounts?' I honestly don't know at this point. Or do I need to have all three so that if one fails, I can still "feel" secure because I have one or two other idols to fall back on? If I lost my income, would I be "okay" because I had some retirement accounts and some money in the bank? If The stock market closed forever and I lost my retirement, would I feel okay because I have a job and some savings? What if I lost two of them, would I feel the fear? Or do I have to loose my whole, diverse web financial support?
Here's what I am afraid I do. Because I can loose one of the three, then I convince myself that I am not trusting in money but I AM trusting in God to provide. But is that really true? Am I still trusting my "web" of finances, even when one falls off?
Do I trust that my public abilities will give me significance? When I lost one or two, I felt okay. But is that because I have others? Or am I really, actually trusting God for my significance? If I only had one thing I did that made me feel significant, and I lost it, THEN I could know that if I am trusting God or myself.
My webs, my diversity of emotional and trust investments, are making it hard for me to see if I am trusting in God Himself or money (or people or ________). Ugh.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Worship #2
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4 comments:
I like this post. It is very thought provoking.
One question stated in diferently: What does it mean to trust God versus others? What does trusting God look like?
The reason I ask, is because I wonder if we (and I say we and not you for a reason) sometimes make life more complicated than it is. That trusting God is making decisions in faith. "Lord, I believe this what I am supposed to do, so I am doing it." I think of Paul saying whether you drink or don't drink it doesn't matter to me, just do it with a clear conscience. But I don't know how or if that applies to this.
I wonder what it would look like if we allowed ourselves not only to need God, but also to need each other. And then what if we allowed others to need us without considering them weak? Wouldn't that be something?
For the record, any posting out of my brain in regards to "needing" others needs to be qualified.
I am one who can VERY quickly find my SIGNIFICANCE in my connection and/or status with/in others. This is what I am speaking to, not connection in general. It is an issue of trusting God for the foundational (not foundationalism, btw) levels of my life, as I consider them (what makes my life bearable, what makes my life livable, what makes my life worthwhile, what makes my life enjoyable, what I want "out of life").
I am VERY, VERY, VERY much in favor of having connections with others that are labeled "vital" (a word I got from the apostle Paul) - not causual, not nice, not just deep. Necessary, vital, so intertwined as to make a single thread.
Contrary to my wife's opinion (actually, she's partly correct), I DO put myself into relationships that are what I call "vital." And not just with Him and her. But that is not what the idea of trust is about. Trust and need are NOT the same thing.
Finally, as to Brett's statemenat from Paul "with a clear conscience." I don't think I'll ever have one of those. Imagine a ball or plane made of fishing line - it's clear! but when strung around like crazy it becomes less clear by it's crossing. That's my brain. Clear thoughts so numerous that they cloud :-)
I like your analogy, "so intertwined as to make a single thread." That's cool... & full of neat & powerful implications that challenge my own approach to relationships. (sorry - a bit off topic from your original post)
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