Hide and Seek with the Holy Spirit

I've been wrestling with myself as it pertains to my thinking about and relationship with the Holy Spirit (i.e. God). My 'issue' is that I was raised inside a Modern-Western -> Evangelical -> Large Church (increasing results are important) -> Non-Charismatic tradition (that list was intended to be more-and-more precise).

Then I was exposed to the role of the Holy Spirit in the Old Testament and in OT prophecy. The ridiculous living of the Apostles after Jesus' resurrection began to make sense.

Then I was exposed to Gordon Fee, _God's Empowering Presence_ in particular. Then 'my eyes were opened' to the self-focused tendency that's all-but built-in to the current rendition of "absolute truth" and Bibliolatry.

Then I listened to Ted Wueste talk about how a "relationship with God" is probably not so much what I thought it was (see http://www.trinitychapelbc.org/Resources/Sermons/Freedom-Understanding-Your-Life-in-Christ).


CURRENT ASSESSMENT: Sin is the act of disconnecting from God as the source of life-and-direction BY finding MYSELF as the source, entrusting MYSELF to find life-and-direction.

A bit ethereal... so I'm going to try to live with two thoughts consuming me.
(1) What does it mean for Jesus to really, REALLY be Lord (of my life, of this universe, of all time)
(2) What does it mean for me to 'be connected' to God as my source of life (physical needs, significance, 'strength', etc.) and direction (what I do and don't do, what I plan for/about).