I'm tired so I cry

I can tell when my soul is tired these days (since around 2004) because I cry easily. I started to cry this morning as we read of Bartimaeus and I heard "Jesus, son of David!, have mercy on me!"

And again, today I finally read the Stiff's blog entry on a great man, Clyde Cook. Among other things, he was president of OC International for a bit. He died on Mikaela's birthday, that's the hard part for me. Sabina Wurmbrand (incredible wife of the incredible pastor Richard Wurmbrand) died on my birthday, from what I recall. While I don't really care much about my own birthday, it's awkward to have a death (end) and a birth (start) remembered on the same day. I think I feel like Solomon writing Ecclesiastes.

I hate it when the greats die. So few of them exist, their death feels almost like an extinction. Great ones, in this sense, are the ones who go through bad life-experiences that they could not create for themselves and not only "make it" but thrive afterward - even more so, they bring light to the darkness that is trying to crush them. Like the "story of the Philippian jailer." I don't really want to be one of these "greats" - too expensive, hurts too much, too much potential for harm to be done to those I love (physically, emotionally, spiritually). I DO want to be one, but I don't.

This is what I think about when I'm emotionally tired.