The Gift of Chronic Pain

I work with a good man named Mike Wallace who is a little younger than me and in a wheelchair. He broke his back in his teens (?) and is paralyzed in his legs. He lives one of those half-handicapped lives in that he drives (a "normal" car that has an accelerator/brake add-on - but anyone else could drive his car fine), etc. And he talks about the past (pre-accident) just like a non-broken-back would.

His legs hurt, though. All the time. We were talking the other day about chronic pain and he concurred - either it hurts or one is waiting for the pain to return. My lower back still hurts, usually. Sometimes a lot, but almost always at least some pain. It has become a part of my world, limiting what I can do (or at least forcing me to choose between what I want now with pain later today or saying, "no").

It has become so common for my back to hurt that when it doesn't, I notice. My back has become my vision, my world. Every thing I do or plan has to go through the "back filter" to get approval. My back is how I think. Always.

But therein lies the gift. I now know what it means to have one, single thing be the defining factor in my whole life. I am always either afraid of it, enjoying reprieve, thinking about how to improve my "back situation." Even last night as I sat with Tara talking (my favorite!), I was also thinking about my back (should I get up, should I move, is this posture okay, should I be doing some kind of ab. 'flex').

The gift of knowing what it is like to have one, solitary "thing" define my everything. Now I know, as well, what it can mean to have my one "thing" be "I am a child of the living God, I am under the mastery of Jesus."

Having lived with and without chronic pain, I am afraid I must say: for me / from my history, I don't know that it was possible for me to enter into 100%, all-day every-day Child of God without chronic pain. It is much easier, then, to be a chronic follower of Jesus because of my experience being chronic.

Its official

It’s official. We are “in” with OC International!! After praying with friends and family, we (all just mentioned plus OCi) are sensing that God is leading us in a new direction. Not fully new, just a new expression. Thanks to all who pray(ed) for us, challenged us, gave us insight, etc.

We desperately want and NEED continued connection, influence, and love from all as we begin a somewhat vague future (that begins with mountains of paperwork!!). At the risk of seeming co-dependant, Please don’t leave us now :-)

by way of Gordon Fee

Quick test, based on some challenging thoughts I heard from Dr. Gordon Fee...

Which would you/I rather be: slave or free?
Which is better: love or no-love?
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Which would you/I prefer to be: one whipping another or the one whipped?
Honestly?

Most, I presume, would answer with the following: free, love, one with a whip.

Gordon made an interesting point, "The one who is whipping CANNOT love the one being whipped." Paraphrased some more, The whippER does not have the choice to love, only the whippED does. Only the one being whipped is FREE.

FREE!!

I never associate whipping with freedom except as antithesis. Gordon's point was that when one has Jesus as Lord/God of life, then this person is free to love the whippER, for the one whipped now sees him/herself as no better than the one with the whip. Jesus is Lord of that person too (whether they submit or not is a wholly other matter). [My thoughts here] Further, if the one being whipped is NOT able to love the one with the whip, is not able to see themselves equal in Jesus' economy/culture and equally worthy of love, then the one being whipped is NOT living with Jesus as Lord/God.

Hmmm.